Self Sabotaging Relationships: How to Stop It?

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Self Sabotaging Relationships

A romantic relationship is a gift. Finding the right partner and sharing your life with them is one of the greatest feelings ever. However, relationships come with insecurities, which often pave the way for self sabotaging relationships.

Self sabotaging or self-destructive relationships end soon. The good news is that you can avoid them by consciously monitoring your behavior and finding your triggers.

Here is a quick guide to self sabotaging relationships and how you can stop them.

What Are Self Sabotaging Relationships?

Self sabotaging a relationship means actively trying to end or ruin a relationship or make it fall apart. You could do it either unconsciously or consciously. Some people deteriorate their relationships with other people because they want to get rid of them but can’t say it on their face. This results in a lack of attachment and sexual confidence, which eventually leads to a breakup or divorce.

On the other hand, some people have self sabotaging behavior ingrained in their personalities. They can’t recognize or stop it, and hence, they destroy their relationships unwillingly or unconsciously.

Signs You’re in Self Sabotaging Relationships

Before you stop self sabotaging relationships, you need to find why you’re doing that. Are you consciously trying to ruin your relationship with a spouse, friend, or family member, or is it happening without you even realizing it?

Self Sabotaging Relationships
Self Sabotaging Relationships

Let’s look at some possible signs that you’re self sabotaging relationships.

Ignoring Negative Emotions

No partner is perfect, and thus, no relationship is perfect. There will be negative emotions like anxiety, anger, frustration, and more, which is fine. The problem arises when you deliberately start ignoring them. This behavior can end a relationship real quick.

Being Extremely Paranoid

Again, it’s normal to be paranoid once in a while. If your partner goes out and comes home late, you might suspect they’re cheating. But if you always have these thoughts, you’re in a state of extreme paranoia. Being paranoid is a common reason for sabotaging relationships.

Constantly Criticizing Your Partner

As said, no partner is perfect. However, if you only focus on your partner’s imperfections and criticize them (destructively) even for minor flaws, you’re setting your relationship up for failure. Notice how often you critique your partner, and you’ll get a clear idea.

Holding Grudges

This is a big no-no in a relationship. We all hold grudges once in a while; things become problematic if that becomes your typical behavior. When partners hold grudges, it leads to poor communication and hidden anger, which eats the relationship from the inside.

Not Putting Energy in Your Relationship

Another big sign that you’re sabotaging your relationship is that you don’t put energy into it. A relationship, especially a romantic one, is a two-way street. Both partners need to invest the same amount of energy to make the relationship work. If your energy is lower or negligible, your relationship may not work out well in the future.

Not Keeping Promises

Promises are an important pillar of any relationship. You don’t have to make promises every day. But when you make a promise, be sure to keep it. Not doing so will make you a liar and irresponsible person in your partner’s eyes.

Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Do you expect your partner to bring stars for you (metaphorically speaking)? If yes, you’re unknowingly sabotaging your relationship. It’s alright to expect things from your partner, but expecting them to do something they’re not capable of (and doing it every time), isn’t right.

Giving Your Partner the Silent Treatment

Giving a silent treatment is the worst thing you can do to your partner. If you’re unhappy about something and want to address it, confronting your partner and being verbal about it is the best thing you can do. Contrarily, staying silent and not speaking to your partner is the worst thing you can do.

How to Avoid or Stop Self Sabotaging Relationships?

A self sabotaging behavior can be detrimental to any relationship. The good news, however, is that you can stop or avoid it. Here are a few steps you can take to prevent self sabotaging relationships and set it up for success.

Self Sabotaging Relationships
Self Sabotaging Relationships

Determine Your Attachment Style to Stop Self Sabotaging Relationships

The way people develop attachments can be different. If you had a difficult past, you might have an insecure attachment to others. If your past was great, you might develop a very laid-back connection. There’s no right or wrong way of attaching to a person, but you should know your style.

What Triggers You?

Every person has certain triggers. You need to identify yours. What made you angry and upset about your partner? What did they do? How did you react? Doing so helps you find a pattern in your behavior. Once you do that, you can try controlling it whenever something triggers you.

Mindfulness can go a long way in stopping self sabotaging relationships. Everyone gets nervous, angry, agitated, etc. When you constantly monitor your behavior, you learn about yourself and how you react to certain situations.

Don’t Let Your Past Control You

The past never dies; it kills your future.”  — Unknown

We all have a past. Some people’s past has been great, which reflects on who they are now. Some people have had a difficult or dark past, which constantly kicks and interferes with their present lives. Don’t let your past control you. No matter how difficult your past has been, keep it aside and focus on the present and future.

Be Communicative

Silent treatment silently kills a relationship. Avoid it. If you’re unhappy with something your partner did, talk to them, and tell them that you’re unhappy about it. Being verbal allows you to discuss problems with your partner and find a solution. Being silent does the opposite.

Conclusion: Self Sabotaging Relationships

Relationships are beautiful, and you should protect them at all costs. Sadly, many people have self-sabotaging behavior that could ruin relationships. Therefore, it’s essential to watch for such destructive behavior and get rid of it at all costs. Lastly, love yourself. If you practice self-compassion, you’ll get rid of a lot of your insecurities, which will help you become actively involved in relationships.


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